square one



I have tried not to write about you,
because you are my self indulgence.
I have tried not to write you that
I miss you, when can I see you text
I have tried not to write you.
I have tried not to see you
when I close my eyes
I have tried not to stick back together
the pictures of you that I cut in half
or save them in archives
I have tried not to look for you
in the eyes of people that
might make me happy
I have tried not to re-read
the stories that I wrote about you
I have tried not to remember
dates and times and cinema seats
or special places by the river Thames
I have tried not to remember
what the weather was like
on december eighteen
or that it was december eighteen
I have tried not to smile at
the way you made me feel sometimes,
I have tried not to forget
that it was only sometimes
I have tried not to forget that
your mouth was coarse and
your grip was never tight
I have tried not to spend time on you I have tried not to waste time for you I have tried not to hold fast to you I have tried I have tried I have tried I have tried I have tried

not to write about you,
but you are my self indulgence.

Tife.

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