Back. And with a vengeance.

Finally the curtains have drawn on yet another another disappearing act. If you don't know about my perpetual habit of spontaneously disappearing from the social sphere, now you do. Usually the reason (no Tife, it's not a reason IT'S AN EXCUSE) for disappearing and neglecting my habit of regular (I'm lying) online outpouring is pure laziness, often sprinkled with a pinch of  lack-of-inspiration (or is that just an excuse, only God knows). But Alas, this time I had a real valid reason. Exams. Yes, exam boards are the criminals responsible for my creative abduction, its true. As if breakouts and chronic fatigue wasn't enough.

And abracadabra, they are over. I am finished with A Levels. Jonah has finally been vomited from the belly of the whale. Without a single scratch. YAS. For now we will ignore the fact that come September I will be swallowed by another whale AKA undergraduate level English Lit. Hopefully the undergraduate whale will be much nicer than the A Level whale, and I come out of its other end a moisturised and more enlightened person (as you do).

Inevitably, I woke up this morning completely bored out of my brains and anxious. I think I'm floating some sort of post-exam purgatory where I can't really comprehend what is going on or what I should be doing. I knew 9+ hours of revision per day for 4 weeks would eventually turn me crazy. Really. I feel like my brain has just run a marathon, hit many walls, and is now sitting just past the finish line, shaking, wrapped in tin foil and looking like a crazed lunatic. I feel like my brain has just come out of a two year long toxic, emotionally abusive relationship and is in desperate need of a post-breakup dramatic haircut. Really.

A Level stress has really done dirt to my health as well. Literally 2016 so far, health wise, has been as if Jack tumbled down the hill, broke every single bone in his body including his crown, and then proceeded to fall into a coma that not even Jill's true love kiss could bring him out of. The only upside I can remember to all this was being put on pain relief laughing gas and feeling insanely euphoric. I really thought was having some sort of three eyed raven warg vision (yes, game of thrones reference because why the heck not). Now I fully understand why people get addicted to drugs. I did not even have the slightest care that I was being carted to hospital in an ambulance, with the most important exam of my academic career the next day. Anyway, all that is over with thanks to God.

For some weird psychological reason I have become addicted to horoscopes this year (#VIRGO but I'm trying to get over it). It's probably a combination of health anxieties and friendship troubles, mixed with not having a single clue as to what I have been placed on this earth to do for the world. Example, I went from being ecstatic about getting 5 university offers from top design schools, to spontaneously rejecting all of them on a whim because of imposter syndrome making me believe I was not and could never be a great designer. Even though I had gotten the offers which meant I was good enough, the imposter monster was not having it. Sitting in interviews with other kids my age who were design junkies, crazy good at drawing and physics geeks made me feel like a complete fraud lol, the anxiety was real. So I dropped out and decided to do the thing I'm 75% sure I'm actually good at which is making stuff up an writing it down. Plus sometimes when I do it I feel as euphoric as when I was on laughing gas (*sniffs* what's that terribly cheesy smell? Apologies, bear with).

I still have seven and a half weeks in limbo till I get my results, which is more than enough time to spend making up more stuff and writing it down, and reading other people's made up written down stuff. I've been reading Shope Delano for a while and I swear she is my virtual mentor and spirit animal.

Never the less, the rest of 2k16 is about to be sensational, by the grace of God.

future ds2 sensational nardwuar futurehive


1 comment:

  1. Good luck with all your results, youngun! You'll do great! x -ali


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